Commitment

So lets talk about this very apparent trait of mine: non-attachment. I was going to call it a weakness at first but I thought I would hold up on placing this trait into such a category before taking a step back and really looking at the effect it has had on my life.
A lot of my friends tell me I don’t have any emotions… (Haha… I have a lot!) I am just not very good at emanating them.
Up until this moment in time, I still have zero fucking clue what I want to do. Currently I am halfway through getting a degree in Geological Engineering, and I’ve work jobs from selling Telus to quoting $200k worth of Daikin VRF equipment, I have even devoted a good number of hours of my life to learning about HVAC (this just kind of happened) and I can’t truly say I would want to stay in any of these areas of work or study for the rest of my life. I mean, I get through school fine, the classes aren’t super hard and I am fairly good at adapting to my work environments. Through my lack of interest, I have learned to become a very flexible and adaptable person. I am always prepared for plans to fall through, for things to not turn out how I want them to be and though I do feel disappointment from such occurrences, I’ve developed a mental capacity to deal it with. And this mental capacity is called “non-attachment”. If I don’t put certain feelings towards things in my life like my job, my clothes or my hobbies than if something changes and suddenly I find myself without one or two of these things, I don’t really feel a lose. So I think this is a good trait to a certain degree. I don’t attach sentiments to the material things in life which makes it very easy to always be going through change and keep my life simple.
However, there are two sides to everything. So this lack of attachment or interest in everything in life has always led to a inevitable lack of commitment to all the things I do. So here is a question I have been pondering lately: does one lack commitment due to a lack of self interest of the things he/she is pursuing in life or does one lack interest due to the lack of commitment of such things? I have always been an open minded person and a quick learner. Thus I am always excited to try new things out, but when things get tough and I find myself struggling with the unknown, I do have a tendency to just quit. This is pretty apparent with girls. I always liked the idea of the chase, but I never really followed through after that. Was it because I was scared of committing myself or because I simply did not like them enough to try and commit myself? The answer to this question will have to come the day I find myself in a somewhat serious relationship. It is definitely something I want to experience…
This lack of commitment has also been pretty apparent in the professional area of my life too. When I was doing sales, I got really good at my job really fast. I was basically put into this corner of “well if I don’t make any sales today, I didn’t make any money” and combined with my abilities to talk forever, I gathered myself fairly quickly and became one of the top salesmen on my team. However, once I got good, I was just good. I could manage 4-8 sales a day which equaled out to pretty awesome pay, but I could never consistently get out of single digits. Imagine if I made 10-12 sales instead of 4-8 everyday. I would feel like I am on top of the world and I would be making bank. However, going from good to great is a feat much higher than going to OK to good and I never found any interest in getting to that stage. I think a part of me was just comfortable with being good and did not want to take on the risks of those 0 sales days in the short term in order to achieve double digits in the long term. A part of the reason for this was that these co-op terms are only 4 months… I guess that last sentence was more of an excuse I made for myself more than anything else. But you get my point right?
I think is non-attachment does have its benefits in my life, but it has been doing me a lot of harm and I really need to work on sorting my commitment issues out by taking those leaps of faith. From what I’ve learned as a salesman, it doesn’t matter how many times we fail, as long as we keep pushing until we have reached success. Through this, not only do we get to truly taste the glory of success, but also learn about our own strengths and weaknesses along the way.
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