Week 1

So first week of the job has been completed by yours truly! Literally the easiest job I would’ve asked for and I got paid for the holiday! Sure I wanted an engaging job, but you got to play with the cards you’re dealt right? For 18.50$/hr, I could not be doing less work. With that in mind though, I want to make an effort on my communication skills this term, especially in the work force where my co-workers end up being older than me by at least four or five years, meaning they have a fairly different outlook on life and they are most likely at a different phase in life.

Not only will this allow me to increase my own communication skills, this will also allow me to actually see and interact with people in the next phase of life. Which is getting into adulthood and/or finishing school. Real life! Can’t say I am super excited for it but also can’t say I’m not. I mean right now, I am still learning to focus on the moment and to realise that all good things must come to an end or else, they wouldn’t be considered good. Life is only a miracle because people die.

In my personal life, I have made the decision to take a step back on my decison of cutting my best friend out of my life. It was really funny how the sequence of events turned out leading to that decison came to be and how you could say everything worked itself out between the two of us, like it usually does. Now that is kind of scary because isn’t weird to have a relationship where everything is always great? I mean how is that not scary to think about…

I don’t know if I made the right decision, but I know that as of right now and within the next couple of months, I will have taken a good load of stress, sadness and loneliness in my life. Will it come back to bite me in the ass in the future? Yea it probably will, but you know what, life is good right now and I’ve got some concrete goals I want to achieve, and this is just not a priority to me.

So I spend the whole day and night with Luce yesterday and as a result I lost a bunch of sleep. Both quality and quantity wise, and now as the day is starting to come to an end, I feel like shit. So as I am falling asleep and sloppily writing this out, I wonder, how does one decide when it is better to front load the pain and when it is not? Logically speaking, it should always be better to front load the pain right? Because the it all hits you and you learn to deal with it right away and not procrastinate it like you do with your calculus homework.

On the other hand, we are humans, we have emotions, and with emotions, you can’t always depend on logic to get you where you want to go. Sure logic would probably have dominated the world a couple of tens of thousands of years ago, but now a days, we don’t face any dangers of starving if we don’t hunt for our food, or getting eating by a tiger in our sleep. So now our emotions have become a huge factor in our decision making matrix.

As I am currently reading through the 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, I’ve learned that we ought to be efficient with things and effective with people, and sometimes I think we can get those too ideas easily confused. On top of this, I’ve also learned that in an interdependent relationship where more than one person is involved, nothing is black and white. For me right now, it is a hard concept to grasp. I am an independent person, I like to make decisions and then move on with my life.

If it was the wrong decision, I’ll have to deal with it by myself and the consequences by myself. It will be a lesson for solely me. However, when it comes to interdependent people, this doesn’t work out. The decisions you make affect both parties and so do the consequences of those decisions. Sure you might thing choice A is the best outcome because you things from one perspective, but the other person might not see eye to eye with you on the same idea, and I think we’ve grown up with so much freedom, we’ve scripted ourselves to believe that it’s our way or the highway. This is definitely something I have come to notice more and more about myself and something I definetly want to make changes towards as the days come and go.

Wow I am actually exhausted right now. Maybe a quit nap will help because I didn’t take one at lunch today, maybe it won’t but I definitely plan on getting back into my regular sleep habits for the next couple of days and then getting in some extra hours of quality snoozing come Thursday and Friday.

It’s funny how all these things work out so well in my life. When I first saw this week’s schedule, I definitely wasn’t happy that I was getting Thursday and Friday off instead of the weekend, but now I am really looking forward to it considering how exhausted I am from yesterday and how nice it will be to get an early weekend to recover and then push through the next whole week of work. Also I am getting paid next Monday! My first pay check in what feels like years. I will finally be able to pay off my own credit card bill in 5 months. Fuck that sounds to depressing, but I am aiming to spend a little less money this term and have some left over to carry into school and just go back to eating basic food and spending a lot of the time at the gym.

Goddamn time passes by slowly when you’re tired and not really into what you’re doing. Maybe this should be a shower thought, but time definitely feels like it passes by slower when you become more aware of it. Isn’t that weird to think about? I mean time is just absolute, it goes at only one speed and it is not affected by anything. So why does this feeling occur? Well at this point, I have no clue as to what the answer is so I will cheat a little and spend the last couple minutes of this time spell checking.

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