Ok, new plan of action, going to get through 30 minutes of an album of an artist I want to get into while I write my weekly brain dump. This week is Logic’s Under Pressure!
You know what I realised about writing this week? It is a great source of distancing, done in many meditation practices, yourself from your thoughts. I think putting all my thoughts out on to this blog of mine really puts a sense of space between me and my thoughts (my thoughts and I?). In this sense, whatever I write out in the next 29 minutes, I will have a an easier time dealing with them. It’s like me putting different cars on the road and then watching them drive out by themselves.
So what’s on my mind this week? Well, after listening to this podcast, I have come to realize that I am really stubborn and closed-minded on some ideas. I think this is kind of due to the fact that I am very open-minded to most things in life, and thus to balance it out, I can become very stubborn on just a few things.
The first one that comes to mind is working out. I’ve been doing it for a few years now and I’ve seen progress. Now I have somehow locked onto the idea that the more frequently I train the better the results. I think it’s come to the point where I am thinking quantity over quality and I really need to change that in my mind. Looking at strength programs, I see that most programs only go for 3-4 times a week. Half of what I had in mind. With this developed stubbornness, I kept looking for programs that involved more training days. Why? I am mean, there isn’t any necessarily specific reason other than I just want the world to think in my terms and not the other way around.
So to make up for this, I am going to learn about conditioning. I believe myself to be pretty good at weightlifting in the textbook and in the gym. However, if I want to push myself from good to great, I need to start experiment more and make a change in my ways of thinking. Less days in the gym! Not really… This term I am only training only 5 days a week, next term when school comes around, I am going to find a 4 day plan and incorporate a day or conditioning, maybe two because I also want to learn to do those huge two olympic lifts. The explosive power of the olympic lifters are awesome in my mind. I think it would be awesome to have a base knowledge of the clean and press and clean and jerk and it will really help me in maintaining a fit lifestyle that will last a lifetime. I know I can maintain one right now with the knowledge I have, but there is always room for improvement.
Alright, the gym rat part of me is done ranting and now back to the normal part of me is back! You know what really boggles my mind? People. Yes, people. So I have this co-worker, he works the same position as me, except he is done school and he fucking 28 years old, living with his parents. I mean do you have a life plan? You are turning 30 in two years! Two years! Does that idea not scare you? I mean you can’t keep living with your parents right? And you can’t keep working as a survey assistant because this job will support a very fucking minimal lifestyle. I know it is not my right to judge what other people do with their lives but come on, I really hope this thoughts cuts across your mind every once in a while.
Now what really bothers me about this is, well the first part, but on top of all that, he is cocky as fuck! I mean it’s cool, he is outspoken and social, but he has temper. I just wonder how you’ve come this far in life without any wake up calls or any events that make you reconsider you as a person? Hm, writing this out, I wonder if I need a wake up call myself. I mean, I am enjoying life, but it’s really hard to catching myself being arrogant and I really appreciate those friends or strangers that call me out when my ego gets ahead of myself. It really allows me to calm the fuck down and reflect for even just a moment. Also, mushrooms help me do it too.
Leggo another tangent, I really like doing mushrooms. None of my trips have even been completely good except for the first one. There are always moments when I feel super fucking overwhelmed, moments where I feel like I could just fall apart like a Lego house and moments where I get scared and anxious. In retrospect, I don’t hate those moments of the trip, but rather feel like those a just everyday emotions on a higher dosage and it is good to be scared once in a while or else you forget what being scared feels like. The biggest reason I like mushrooms so much is because I feel so aware on them, like I have this insight and clarity into my own life and everyone else around me for the good couple hours when I am tripping. It is like I am able to take in all aspects of my life and see it from a whole different perspective and really evaluate my own values and ideals. Now I wish mushrooms helped me figure out my future life goals. but sadly I am still at a big loss in that aspect of my life. The best thing about doing mushrooms is that I am giggly as fuck on my come up and I am really happy and appreciative on my come down, not of myself, but the friends around me. It is such a rollercoaster ride of senses override and an overwhelming relaxed feeling when the trip is over.
Ok, now time to fuse the two sides of my life, I’ve been having trouble trying to balance out my life because I want to spend everyday lifting at the gym and also everyday doing everything else like rock climbing and yoga, but I physically don’t have the time to do that. I should really look into how to function on fewer hours of sleep and see if there are any worth while experiments I can try out. However, now that most training programs are only 3-4 days long, I can really devote time to other hobbies, the other 3-4 days of the week can be spent on pursuing my other interests! I know this is really easy and well thought out in my mind right now, but I really need to test it out before I can draw any final conclusions.
From the incident with Luce, I have learned that I really can’t tunnel my vision on only the positive outcomes of an aggressive decision and keep pushing towards. In this case, I had a second chance, but life doesn’t always work that way. I mean, I really didn’t realise how bad the negative consequences where and also did not have a concrete plan in dealing with them. Fuck, that week fucking sucked, but now I have a temporary fix on the situation and in reality I am probably procrastinating the inevitable, but fuck it, I am not in a good state to deal with something like that. Let’s just keep this up for now and where the hell it is going to take me. I mean sooner or later, I think this situation with Luce is going to blow up in my face and I will really have to deal with it head on, but right now, I am just going to get my cardio up and climb those V4s and V5s!
Just as I was about to say how long this 30 minutes was, the timer ended and that wraps up another week in my life and another brain dump!