Wanna know the secret to weight loss? Get really sick!
So here we are, a new year, a new school term, same me…
Do you ever just feel really overwhelmed and a tightness starts to grip at your chest? Yea, that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling the past couple of nights. I am not sure how to explain it but I know this feeling sucks.
Fuck, I think I’ve overloaded myself this semester. COCHELLA! I really want to go, and I really hope my exam schedule will accommodate to it. I know it is not the best decision to go during finals, but on the bright side it will really allow me to work my ass off during school and learn to prepare for things way ahead of time.
What’s next? Right, let’s talk about the elephant in the room… well the elephant in my brain at least… Relationships. Ha. Didn’t think it would end up like this, and with you of all people. I always really enjoyed spending time with you but I never realistically thought we could date, or so I told myself.
I guess a part of me never thought I could meet your standards seeing all the other people you’ve been with and me having had zero girlfriends beforehand. Everyone tells me this is going to be really tough, yea I believe them, but it’s really hard to actually get those words to really stick in my head. I have no idea what I’m doing. That’s scary to me, and it must be even scarier for you. But hey, I really do like you, and after all that we’ve been through, I want to put in the effort and see this one through. I know I am diving in head first in this situation but I have good friends who will stick it out with me and walk me through all this craziness I got myself involved in.
One thing I’ve learned, but still have trouble grasping, is that life never gets easier. As a student with co-op, I am always looking forward to my next work term thinking my job will be more meaningful or my next school semester hoping classes will actually be interesting, but this shit never happens. Even if it does, other events will always come up in life just to push you around a little. I get it, I’ve made it through 2016, it had its ups and downs, and honestly, I am not ready for 2017. Who is?
Sure we can prepare ahead of time for all the different possible outcomes, but sometimes, I think you just have to deal with shit as it comes. I mean, if you can prepare ahead of time, you should, but hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little spontaneity once in a while right?
My brain is a mess right now, maybe it’s because I’m sick, or maybe it’s because I had such a long christmas break it’s having trouble rebooting to deal with real life.
So what do I want out of the up coming four months? Well, first I am going to try to stick to my blogging habit better this time around. I think I lasted only 5 weeks last time? God I suck. Let’s at least double that. If I forget on Sunday, I going to sit my ass down on the Monday after and pump out a post. I mean, it only takes 30 minutes, I definitely have an extra 30 minutes a day to this.
School. Let’s pass all my exams this semester. What can be measured can be achieved right? I think I fucked up the words in that quote. Oops. I want to do well, but let’s just say I’ll try to finish my assignments a day before they are due and force myself to go to office hours for all the stuff I don’t understand… Which in retrospect is a lot of stuff.
Relationships. I never thought I would have to set myself goals in this category anytime soon, but hey, I am happy you are giving me the opportunity to do so. I know I really emotional empathy and long-term planning… and also dating experience. So here is my goal, I will sit down every week or two and reflect on all the things in our relationship that is going well as well as all the aspects that could be improved up. I wonder if you will actually read this… or believe anything I say. I know I keep telling you I really want to make this work, and I know I am pretty much basing my saying off thin air, but I really do want to make this work. Yea I am probably going to get frustrated with the process, but this year, I want to make much more of an effort to push my own comfort zones, to grow emotionally, for you and myself.
Weightlifting. My favourite category, and my one and only escape tool to everything else in life. 270lbs bench. 370lbs squat. 400lbs deadlift. 1040lbs total. Done. Easy. Going to try 5/3/1 with double the usual volume and workout times and see how far I can really push my training limits.
Well that’s about it goal wise, it is important not to spread myself too thin. Just focus on three big things at a time, I think that’s as much multitasking my brain can handle at a time anyways… oh, and read a fuck ton of books! Alright, I think I am pretty satisfied with those goals.
You know, I had an amazing christmas break this year, I think back home in Calgary, I found a super solid group of friends. I mean, we go from board game nights to boarding in the mountains to rolling balls together at NYE. Find me another group of friends who are willing do to all three of those activities? Yea I don’t think so. Withdrawals is too real, but good things can’t last forever right? I am excited for everything that lies ahead of me this semester and I will try to make the best out of my next four months here!