Round 2

Nice, got through week one of school and I am still on top of my homework! Hoping I can keep this up until reading week at least. School sucks, I feel like it gets worse and worse every term I’m here.

Why does it suck? Well, to start, why the fuck am I in Geological Engineering? We live in a technology bubble right now and I fucking look at a rocks for a living. This is so frustrating. I guess I just feel that my program is very irrelevant to the world I keep up with. I like reading about new technology breakthroughs, new psychology studies and ways to improve my deadlift not rock mechanics and engineering geology. I feel like everyday I wake up I have an internal argument with myself on whether or not I should continue on to finish my degree. I mean, if I think about it EVERYDAY, it is significant right?

Ok so this is my sixth semester here, 3B, only two more to go after this one. Not bad right? I was told that by second year, I would either love rocks or hate it and not do very well. Well jokes you on you, I clearly have a skill at doing well at things I don’t enjoy. I’ve made it this far. Fuck I have so much student loans, and another year is going to cost me another fifteen grand to sit through classes I hate and people I can’t relate to. Sure I like the people in my class, but they aren’t really my type of people. I am not putting myself above them but I just feel like our life outlooks just don’t coincide in any way. I mean ok, we all like to drink and party, but going to a bar every thursday night when we have class the next day? Like why? Once in a while, after a long week or midterms or a big project we go and celebrate over drinks, but every week? Like why is this even a thing, how does your friday self not hate you? On this train of thought, my classmates are great people, they are super helpful, everyone wants to everyone else to succeed and the environment is great. I hear that in other engineering programs, you want your classmates to fail. That is rough, I can’t imagine being in an environment like that. However, no one in my class pushes you to work harder, to be more responsible or to just be a better person in general. Everyone is ok with ok marks, ok jobs and just here to chill. Yea I get you guys, I want to be like that too, it’s the easy route, but a part of me also wants to push myself to be the best version of me. I do try on my own, but it is more fun and much easier to keep motivated when there is someone else struggling along with you right?

Well, that was an unexpected rant. On a positive note, I am starting to feel a lot better in general. I think the late night anxiety was probably the molly. Jesus, I guess I really do a have come downs. Sure it doesn’t help being alone, but hey, I got through it. Synthetically producing my own ups and downs in life. Lifehacking am I right?

Man, I’ve noticed I started saying “man” along, especially at the start of my sentences. Thanks Oliver. You just have a way of rubbing off on me.

My transitions suck. I started learning about investing. Wow is it a deep rabbit hole. I am still in the excitement phase and never learned to pace myself to extend that phase. I guess I should get some money to invest before that phases passes to keep myself motivated. Fuck this rat race. I want to be a millionaire by the time I am 30 and I don’t want to do it by working 60 hour weeks. We live in 2017, this is the greatest possible time to be alive says Joe Rogan. You can make a living doing anything, and with that statement, you can also get rich doing anything too. Let’s focus on investing for now to develop a passive income so that I don’t have to spend most of my days fearing about the bills I will have to pay when I graduate and have to face real life. I truly believe I can become a millionaire when I am thirty. There’s nothing stopping me other than myself.

If there is one positive outcome that has come of me forcing myself through a program I take minimal interest in it is the fact that I have spend countless hours looking for alternative solutions to live a meaningful life. For all you people who have found jobs you love and industries you want to be a part of,  I am happy for you guys and oh so envious. I still have no idea what I want to do when I graduate and I am going to keep an open mind and hey, maybe it will be related to my degree, maybe not. We will see where life takes me right? One step at a time.

People say you have to work hard to get what you want, but I don’t truly believe in that. Yes, I believe in hard work, but if you running as fast as you can in the wrong direction, what’s the point? Personally, I think we should live life in chunks. I set my goals four months at a time, because that is just how my life is scheduled currently. Four months isn’t a very long time if you really think about it. So if I want to try something, I give myself a week or two to dig into it. If I am still excited after those first couple of weeks then I try to pursue it for the full four months and see what comes of it. They don’t always turn out well. That is definitely something I am still learning. Not all your investment will give you a profit. But hey, even if they don’t give you the return you expected, you always learn something from the process. Personally, I always learn significantly more from my negative experiences than positive ones. Also, in the end, you only remember the good parts anyways because who wants to fill their brain with shitty memories.

One week of school down, fifteen more to go? God that is a long time. I like school. When I say that, I don’t actually like the school part of school, but the amount of free time I have to explore other hobbies, work on myself both physically and mentally, and opportunities to meet people! I really got to work on meeting more people. It’s hard, and I’m a pussy when it comes to pushing my comfort zones. I’ve never been bad at anything so I’ve never really had to put myself out there. As a result, I don’t think I excel at anything either. Step is awareness. So here I am writing out how bad I am at some aspects of life. Next step is develop plans to improve upon my own weakness using my own strengths. How do I meet more people? Let’s just start with making more conversation with people you don’t know.

 

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