Week 6: You’ll be on my mind

Don’t give yourself away, to the weight of love – My favourite Black Keys song!

What will I try to improve on next week?
Fuck, I feel like I’m telling myself to improve on the same stuff every single week. I see all the things I need to work on and when it comes down to the moment… I just make an excuse for myself… This is frustrating. Next week I will really try and be mindful in everything that I do. I will try my best to catch myself when I am distracted by my thoughts or feelings, acknowledge they are there and then come back to the present moment. I have been using headspace for almost a year, it feels good to sit down and focus on the breath for just a little while. However, I need to make more of an effort to carry this awareness into the rest of my day. So going into my next week of school before reading week I will focus on experience what is currently in front of me. Smelling the cold winter air. Feeling my feet crunch against the ground as I walk to class. Hearing the sounds of all the cars that drive by me.
What was I most proud of this week?
I guess I could say I went through an emotional moment last weekend… Cried over a girl for the first time! Glad I can check that off my list now… Man, it sucked. I was naive. It was good for the both of us. On the positive side to that, I am glad that I got through this week, still keeping up my gym habits, getting my homework done during the day and also taking time to myself to keep on learning about investing. People say I am not emotional and that is definitely not the case. I mean, this is only week one of the aftermath… Who knows if it will get better or worse as time passes by. They say time heals all wounds right?
What was my biggest accomplishment this week?
Hands down my deadlifts today! It’s been about two years since I have been struggling to deadlift comfortably and something just clicked today! My deadlifts today felt awesome. The movement finally felt like one smooth motion. Breathe in. Up. Down. This is a great sign and I am so excited to keep working on it and to see how it progresses throughout the rest of this school semester. I think having struggled to overcome this will spill over into the rest of time in regards to overcoming other long-term adversities.
What have I done to get closer to my life goals this week?
So this week I found this awesome YouTube Channel about investing. These videos are focused on value investing, especially that of Warren Buffet. These videos are amazing! They start out simple, have real world examples and have definitely exploded my knowledge about the fundamentals in investing. I now understand what numbers and trends to look at to evaluate the healthy of a company as well as its future to determine if the company is worth digging deeper into or not.
What was hard for me this week, and why?
Studying. Studying has always been hard for me. It’s hard studying for things I don’t like. It’s even harder when the material is just based on readings, diagrams and memorizing. Yea I am talking to you sedimentary rocks. Ok, there is the occasional cool fun fact, but fuck you, you suck. That’s the first reason its hard. The second is the fact that I have never developed good study habits. I have been on an upward trend starting last year, but the trend is progressing very slowly… Slow and steady wins the race right?
What was my biggest waste of time this week?
My biggest time waster this week has got to be the fact of me just sitting in front of my laptop not doing anything. Just scrolling around mindlessly through the internet, instagram and snapchat. Every time I start to feel sad, a tightness just develops around my chest and then I find myself just trying to do whatever it takes to get my mind off things. This definitely was a time waste as I don’t usually don’t do anything productive when it occurs.
What did I do this week that made me ashamed?
Wow… This could be a whole post by itself. You know, after we talked and conclude we couldn’t work things out I slowly realized that I am terrible at the following three things: looking ahead, working hard and perspective shifting. I am a spoiled kid and I am fairly good at the things I do. Thus I have never learned to work hard to get what I want. Well that kind of hit me like a truck this week. Looking ahead. I always told myself we couldn’t date because of our circumstances, but when you told me you’d consider it, I just tunneled on that fact and forgot to consider the realistic circumstances. You’re right, I definitely liked the idea of you, but I also really liked you and me not being able to look ahead and see the outcomes of the potential situations definitely sucked. Last of all, perspective shifting, when I think I am right, I become very fucking narrow-minded. It sucks, I’ve never realized it because most of the time I have been able to convince people of my point of view or I just give it up and agree with them. So what happens when I can’t? Well I found out that when this occurred, I just ended up frustrated and kept trying to push my own opinions on to you and that was not the right thing to do. These are three major aspects of my personality i am most of ashamed of coming to the end of this week and I am definitely going to work on them as the year progresses forward.

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