Week 12: Drudging on… Drudging on…

What will I try to improve on next week?

Last week of classes! Just kidding… I haven’t gone to classes in over two months. This is week three of focusing on self-discipline. Yes, I am still trying to improve the exact same thing next week because it is something I am really struggling with. I can muster the willpower to the get concrete things done like homework assignments, projects that I have planned out and reading/taking notes. There is safety and security in those tasks. However, things like studying for finals and planning out my projects ahead of time is a much harder task. When I am not certain on my approach, know what the outcome is or have a hard deadline coming up soon, I lack a lot of motivation and willpower to get the stuff done. Every time a big deadline draws upon me, I get real stressed out and panic. Then when I manage to finish the project a little big ahead of time, I feel fucking amazing. However, this happens so rarely, by the time the next project comes around, I have forgotten all about this. Shit happens. Next week I just have to keep focusing on getting the most uncomfortable task of the day done first. My priorities are to finish my projects and study for finals. Next is finding a job. Those are the two biggest things I am going to put on the top of my priority list and make I use all the willpower points I have each day to complete tasks related to them.

What was I most proud of this week?

This week I am pretty proud of my time management. I know I still need to work on my self-discipline but with so many project deadlines and finals approaching, I have done a better job compared to my past self in regards to managing my time wisely and planning ahead of time. I have seen an overall improvement on my study habits this semester and I am really proud of that.

What was my biggest accomplishment this week?

My biggest accomplishment this week was finishing my mine project report last night. I left my phone at home, week to the school library, sat down for 4 hours and pumped a report out. It sucked. However, when I finished, I felt great and now I just have to take some time to edit my work. Knowing how productive I can be when I really try to is a really good confidence booster. On the other hand, knowing I have to force myself to such extremes in order to get my school work done is not a very satisfying thought. This is because I know I have to expend so much of my personal time to learn and study for subjects I am not the biggest fan of… But I am still going to put this as a win in my books!

What have I done to get closer to my life goals this week?

Fuck, life goals… I feel like everyday I live through this Geological Engineering program, everyday I am just wasting my life away. I am really happy about all the experiences it has given me but I am not sure it is a life goal of any kind. However, with all that being said, I want to prove to the world and myself that even if this is not want I truly want in life, I can still do a great of job of it. I want to be able to show the world how flexible by completing this program even though I don’t necessarily like it. So this week I have been focusing on completing my school work and making sure I stay on top of everything school related. Completing this program on time will allow me to move forward onto other things in life.

What was hard for me this week, and why?

Studying for finals. I have so many finals coming up. They are close enough that I feel stressed out by them but they are far out enough that I feel any urgency to study for them. It sucks, I am trying to muster the will power and self discipline to start studying for it but it doesn’t really work out.

What was my biggest waste of time this week?

My biggest waste of time this week has been me feeling anxious and stressed out and thus not doing anything because the pressure of uncertainty gets to me. It is a very restless and unproductive feeling and I have been making excuses of not focusing on self improvement just because it is finals season. I am not proud of this fact and I know that I need to work on fixing it.

What did I do this week that made me ashamed?

I am ashamed of the fact that whenever finals comes around, I just drop everything else in my life because I get so stressed out. All I do is study, eat and workout. My time management skills are good during the first half of the day but I get so burnt out near the late afternoon that nothing gets done. I feel really ashamed because when I get burnt out I tell myself I have done enough for the day and then proceed to do nothing productive for the rest of the day…

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