Week 21: Hyperreal

These titles are completely random. I am really bad at multitasking and blogging in one of the one things I can do with music in the background. Alright, these titles are no completely random, it’s just a song title or some lyrics or whatever the fuck else that comes to mind when its time to write these.

So I read all these self-help books, feel real motivated to get shit done and then when it is time to actually get stuff done, I just don’t do it. Jesus. I suck. It is a frustrating feeling and I need to work to find a solution towards it. After all I am an engineer. I’m supposed to problem solve for a living.

Life has been good lately, which scares me a little because, like a business cycle, what goes up will always come down. With that in mind, I might as well just enjoy all that I have currently and when the bad times come across, I’ll just have to roll up my sleeves and push past it. I’ve done it before and I’ll be able to do it again. Like I said before, it is from all my bad experiences where all my learning occurs.

And on to this week’s reflections…

What will I try to improve on next week?

Next week, I will focus more on getting concrete work done towards my work term. I will take all that I and make notes. The notes will be at the quality that I feel comfortable presenting to my co-worker or my supervising professor. This will not only help me reinforce what I am reading but help me organize my own progress and have a much more solid idea of how far I have come, how much I actually understand and how much I pretend I understood. Even if I only end up with one page of notes, that will be a good start going into next week.

What was I most proud of this week?

This week, I met with my co-worker and we established a road map for the summer with an end goal in mind as well as small milestones leading up to the end. This made me feel proud as I will be able to narrow my work more and start focusing my readings with an end goal in mind. No hard deadlines and no work hours is very weird. I am having a very hard time adjusting to it but I am happy knowing that my co-worker is very understanding and we get along very well. This makes want to do a good job on this paper and as the weeks go on, I hope that my work load will slowly start to increase. Although the latter half of this week has not been productive, I feel like the road map is a major step forward in my current co-op semester.

What was my biggest accomplishment this week?

My biggest accomplishment has been reaching out to people I barely know. Introducing myself to people I have only met once or twice to establish a more concrete relationship and even asking friends out to lunch who I have no been keeping in touch with. This has pushed my social skills. I am happy all these events turned out in a positive manner. As a result, I have further developed my social skills. I have come to the realization that when you lose one aspect of your life, you are also making room to add other things in your life. It is important to feel gratitude when you let go, whether you wanted to or not, and then move on to reallocating one’s time. Personal growth comes from personal action. I will not grow just by sitting here. Yea I increase my social skills this week by a little bit, but there is so much in my life I look forward to improving as times go by.

What have I done to get closer to my life goals this week?

Yesterday, I went out to lunch with a friend who has his own venture capitalist backed start-up company. Yea, that is fucking impressive. He is ambitious and I am very grateful he took time out of his day to chat with me. We discussed career options, what he likes about start culture and why he’s doing what he is doing. He told me that start up companies are not limited to programming and that gave me some relief. I think start up culture is the future. People are results oriented. That should be the main goal in productivity, not how long you stay at the office. He told me that if there is an idea out there, there is probably a start up for it. I will spend some time in the next few months looking for potential start up companies that I am qualified and interested in and see how viable it is as a full-time job after I graduate.

What was hard for me this week, and why?

Productivity. I never had good time management skills or a good work ethic to start with. Now I have this research job with no concrete deadlines, I find myself slacking off and scrolling through Reddit all day long. It is a shitty feeling. I am used to having instant feedback and quantitative questions with one right answer. This doesn’t exist in the research world, nor the investing world for that matter. It is a matter of doing one’s own homework and being able to back what I say with facts or not. There is no right answer and what works for one person might not apply to someone else. So just trying to absorb knowledge and differentiate what is applicable to me or not has been hard. And when things get hard, my productivity just gets shattered.

What was my biggest waste of time this week?

My biggest waste of time this week? Hmm, nothing specific, I haven’t made great use of my time in general this week. It has just been scattered into watching random YouTube videos to reading Reddit articles to just playing with my phone. I guess my biggest waste of time this week has been due to a lack of planning ahead. It is important to not plan down to the minute details of my life but it is also important to have a game plan going in. Knowing what I generally want to get done, I will be able to focus more easily. So next week I will set more goals and thus manage my time around those goals.

What did I do this week that made me ashamed?

Similar to the last section, I am really ashamed of how badly I managed my time this week. I have so much time on my hands. It makes me feel real fucking shitty knowing I didn’t do anything productive with all this time in my hands. Sure I hung out with people, made new friends, and made some great memories. But at the end of the day, I think I could have done a better job towards my personal development. I need to focus more on actually learning new skills. This is a hard balance of not getting burnt from just focusing on one task all the time and spreading myself thin and just give up on everything. Life has been good in a lot of aspects lately, thus I need to take advantage of all the good things to be able to motivate myself to push for even greater things.

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